i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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