heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
