I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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