he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
