HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
