He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
