I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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