Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
