just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
