take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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