it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
