Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
