He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
