I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
