btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How does one acquire holy water?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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