I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
