I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
