69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
