Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
