Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
