i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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