shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
