fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
