one might say we're banned from that church
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
