If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
