I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
