Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
