i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
