if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
