I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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