Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
