i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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