The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
