I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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