Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
