i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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