If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
