I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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