I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
