Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
