Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
