Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
