if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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