So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
