Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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