Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
