I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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