What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
