You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
