were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
