I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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