please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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