Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i have herpe
just one?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
