I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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