idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
